Second edition of Whatsapp quotes…

Suddenly I seem to be a part of so many whatsapp groups, first the college group was formed and we’re just getting to know each other after thirteen years. Then a school group was created and the faces of school friends with their double plaited folded up braids came rushing in (to my mind’s eye), today I got added to my church group. Needless to say there’s been an influx of information… Anyway, this is the second edition of whatsapp quotes, that I keep saving on my phone to note down here. Here’s a link to first edition of whatsapp quotes … in case you would like to read it.

• Cousin P: It’s the traditional disrespect and disdain shown for testers by developers. (Two nerd cousins who are into coding were discussing a product and one cousin didn’t like what one of the testers in his company was doing.)

• Cousin P: I’d rather be in 12 months of cold weather than slow roasting my ass in 120F heat. (While discussing the heat in India and the frigid winter in his place in US)

• Cousin P: Girls who drive pickup trucks are cool. (Cousin P gives his opinion on girls in cars)

• Cousin A: My Facebook stream is a cesspool of sappiness. (while discussing some of the stuff people post on facebook)

• Cousin P: I generally do things that are spectacular. (Cousin P likes to polish his own halo regularly)

• Cousin P: Speaking of hell, where is Karen?
  Cousin C:Trying to fend off Lucifer
  Cousin P: It should be other way around, Lucifer trying to fend her off
  (While trying to figure out why I wasn’t replying)

•  Cousin P: Red john was a better person.
  (another snide remark aimed at me)

• Cousin A: But can they refund broken dreams.
  (Cousin A’s flight was cancelled due to the weather and he received an email from the company, telling him that his ticket money would be refunded…)

• Cousin P: Would you have liked Sherlock if it was played by vijaykanth.
  Cousin A: Molly would have jumped off the building if vijayakanth had kissed her.
  (Discussing why Sherlock the TV show is pretty awesome…)

• Cousin A: But it’s obviously lost on you digital heathens.
  (Cousin A was raving away about some gadget… but we were hardly bothered)

• Shilpa: Anyway, am not gettin anything checked unless I pass out.
  (A crazy friend’s. crazy policy about not going to the hospital…)

• Karen: What if another PMS meltdown occurs by some innocuous stuff that is playfully uttered? (Addressing a disagreement in the group…)

• Cousin P: Maybe the gentle caressing of his neck by her sylph-like fingers has put him into a state of pleasurable coma. (while discussing why Cousin A was not replying… probably because he was getting his sore neck massaged)

• Jude: Where were you Megs
  Megs: I was out
  Jude: As in unconscious?
  Megs: I was out, Jude. Not out cold.
  (Questioning a cousin who likes to party…)

• Cousin P: I like girls whose thighs don’t touch each other on the inside. It’s a sign of good fitness levels usually. (Cousin P who is into fitness, now expects the same from everybody else…)

• Cousin P: Megha leaves home at 11 pm and comes back at 5 am. All the criminals go into hiding at that point.(while discussing the cousin who likes to party and the reputation of India as not being safe for women)

• Cousin A: When they view their happiness and their partners happiness over the nebulous religious sanctity of marriage. (while discussing why people cheat…)

• Cousin A: Sinning is not Transitive.
  (This was when Cousin P was texting while in church, and I told him to switch off his phone cause I felt that by chatting with him we both were probably sinning…)

• Cousin A: Why is there quinoa on the display pic, Food fit for the khaleesi…
  (While discussing Cousin P’s preference for quinoa and how he made it the group display picture. Khaleesi is a reference to Game of Thrones.)

• Shil: I encourage wild nonsense.

• Manoj: I’m bringing tequila.
  Me: How can you bring him in the train?
  (My dog is named Tequila, and for a minute I was wondering how he would bring Tequila in the train with him to Chennai. That’s when I realised he was referring to the real drink, tequila.)

• Cousin P and C: Money is trivial. When you have tonnes of it.
  (A cousin stating the obvious… and another cousin reminding him about it)

• Karen: Your faith is what religion is all about… I am not talking about organised religion, cause we all know that sucks. (while discussing religion…)

• Cousin P: I think India is the only place that has this craze for marble flooring inside the house. I think my foot will burn if it’s anything other than hardwood or carpet. (Throwing some US attitude around…)

• Cousin P: Sadly it’s basic human nature. We all like to blame others and hold people against something.
  Me: Mass murderers don’t have Human nature…
  Cousin C: They are politicians. Their past will always matter.
  (while discussing the mass murderers who go on to win elections)

• Cousin C: The church of intoxication.
  (While asking Cousin C what her plans were for Sunday…)

• Nameeta: These are my parents, my brothers and that is my parents mistake. (When I asked my sister how she would introduce us to some relatives… by ‘that’ she means me)

• Cousin A, quoting Lord Alfred Tennyson: 
  Though much is taken, much abides; and though
  We are not now that strength which in old days
  Moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are;
  One equal temper of heroic hearts,
  Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
  To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.

• Cousin A, quoting John Milton: How soon hath time, the subtle thief of youth stolen your year.

• Cousin P: Cristiano is there, 15 mins from your house
  Cousin A: Yeah, NJ is glowing with the warmth of his presence
  (Cousin P, obsessed with Cristiano Ronaldo constantly gives us updates about him…)

• Michelle: Na theriyama Hindu aiite. (My six year old niece, who thought that she became a Hindu because she put sandalwood paste on her forehead while she was hanging out with her friend)

• Cousin C: Porn should be on your phone, not outside. (Cousin P wanted a ridiculous phone cover with a scantily clad woman on it…)

• Cousin P: Paavakai sucks. No wonder God created it in the shape of Satan’s dick. (Discussing bitter gourd…)

• Karen: Everybody hopes for the same end okay… that’s our religion.
  (You may or may not believe in God, but when the end is near everybody thinks/prays to Him. Another discussion on religion… )

• Cousin A: A trip is measured by the quality and quantity of selfies taken.
  (Sarcastic observation while seeing pictures posted on facebook…)

• Cousin P: Our family is like cauliflower curry.
  (Everybody clustered together…. floating in the curry of life)

• Cousin P: The vagaries of time has taken its toll on her once irreproachable unimpeachable virtuous heart. (discussing why I wasn’t getting offended by something…)

• Cousin P: They feel it’s sacred, so don’t eat it. But then we drink and eat the blood and flesh of our own God. (Discussing the beef ban…)