Survival Guide

So being uprooted at the age of ten (from an oil rich country in the Gulf) and forced to settle down in a little obscure village at the tip of the Indian Peninsular can be quite unnerving for a little girl, who didn’t know the language and hated the red soiled roads.

There were no proper streets back then, the area was quite rural and backwards… I hated the dirty godforsaken place and cried everyday to go back. If I could step back in time, I would give that whiny little girl one slap and tell her to open her eyes and behold heaven. It took me long enough to realise the value of growing up here, where everyone knows your name and where thick sheets of rain never fail. That is another fascinating aspect of this place, the rains… I remember being captivated by the monsoon season. I remember standing in school staring transfixed at the gushing rivulets of red water flowing happily down the steps, through every open crevice and rain spouts, sheets of water pouring down and flowing like a creature untamed. God, it was the most beautiful sight I had ever seen… I don’t think I had witnessed such rains before. It was love at first sight, I remember walking in that gushing muddy water and feeling magically alive. This has never changed, but everything else has changed… the little village I grew up in, is now a town (some say city) and I wish it had remained the same quaint muddy village that I remember back in the 90’s. Funny how you grow up and realise the value of something that you can’t go back to.

Anyway, this post is about surviving here, cause as beautiful as my place is, there are a few survival tactics one needs to hone in a small place like mine. In small communities where everyone knows your name, life can sometimes feel a bit too much if one tends to be affected by other peoples opinions and inane talk. People are quite inquisitive here and they have absolutely no sense of personal boundaries. No matter where you go, you are pretty much bound to run into them in this little town and as you smile awkwardly and try to wriggle yourself out of such social ambushes, your mind sorta goes into survival mode. Whenever I see any of the aunts or uncles (the typical gasbag types, many of my snarky poems are credited to them), I mentally recite a prayer, ‘O God, here s/he comes, please get me through this.’ And once I’m done with the social niceties, I heave a sigh of relief and say, ‘Yay christ, we did it, thank you.’ Anyway, these are my survival tactics and I wanted to document them here because a friend was recently telling me about her ambush at a social function and I thought why not pass this on.

1. Never answer a question with a question, it prolongs the conversation.
   When you meet a known person, the first question they’ll ask is, ‘how are you?’ Always reply with a wide smile, saying, ‘Fine, thank you.’ Never ask them the same question, about how they are doing, that’s how you prolong conversations. Then they’ll maybe go on to ask one or two more questions, but if you give monosyllabic answers with a beatific smile, they’ll get bored soon enough and leave you alone.
   
2. Choose the far away exits, the longer cuts and the wider spaces.
   If there are two exits at a place, always take the longer exit, which means you’ll have to walk more but that’s better than running into people at the shorter exit. At any function or event, always choose the path where you’ll run into the least number of people.
   
3. Carry a handkerchief
   I picked up the habit of carrying handkerchief’s after I moved to India. Whenever we visit relatives, they would bring out snacks and stuff and they kinda force you to take atleast one piece. I remember taking a small piece of halwa and I really didn’t like it, and as I was wondering what to do about it, my mother gave me a tissue to wipe my hands. I pretended wiping my hands and wrapped up the halwa in the tissue paper and then discarded the halwa after reaching home. Then it struck me what a great help the tissue was in concealing small tidbits that one is forced to eat, after that I always carry a handkerchief with me. Now no one forces an adult to eat, but I was a quiet shy kid and to avoid unnecessary confrontation I usually picked up a piece of the offered snack so that the other person would just leave me alone.
   
4. Stick to your sibling, they make the best company
   Social events are bearable when I’m with my sister, we both have a good time and when we get ambushed it ends up in laughter, cause after the aunt or uncle leaves we each discuss what we really wanted to reply to their insipid questions. When my sister is not in town, I tend to get a little apprehensive when I have to attend social events alone.
   
5. Fall in love with yourself
   It can be quite tiring to view yourself through the eyes of others, learn to see with thine own eyes. Fall in love with the process that leads you to your true self away from the opinions and judgement of others. Whitney Houston got it right when she sang, ‘Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all’. Most of the people who ambush you and tend to ask unwanted questions are the ones who are dissatisfied with life and lack a sense of self, so they want others to feel the same. It’s their low level energy that makes them unbearable. Whereas, if you vibrate higher with love, all the above points tend to nullify themselves cause you won’t have to avoid others anymore. They themselves will feel your energy, and they’ll know how to behave. Your vibes will attract your tribe.